Coming Out to Family and Friends

Source: RESOLVE New England

Reproductive technology and legal advances have allowed for a growing number of LGBTQ+ folks to create and build families. As of 2016, about 37% of those who identify as LGBT have parented children, and the proportion of same-sex couples with adopted children more than doubled between 2000 and 2010 from 10% to 21%[1]. Although these strides have brought the gift of parenthood to our members and friends, being an LGBTQ+ parent brings unique challenges, many of which have been underrepresented in the media and understudied in scientific literature. Arguably, one of the most challenging aspects of queer parenting is the choice of disclosure of sexual and gender identities to children, family, school, and the greater community. Disclosure can have significant implications for children’s experiences among family and peers, particularly when the family identity is challenged[2]. However, early communication with children about their family identity has shown to help children prepare for questions they may face from peers and others, and has been described as an ongoing conversation rather than a specific moment of “coming out"[3].  Each person’s coming out experience is unique to themselves and their family situation, and as such we have compiled a list of resources by LGBTQ+ parents and children of LGBTQ+ parents on the topic of coming out which may help facilitate the conversation across various settings and circumstances.

Sources:

1. Blackwell, L., Hardy, J., Ammari, T., Veinot, T., Lampe, C., & Schonenbeck, S. (2016). LGBT parents and social media: Advocacy, privacy, and disclosure during shifting social movements. CHI '16: Proceedings of the 2016 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems, 610-622.
2. Breshears, D. (2010). Coming out with our children: Turning points facilitating lesbian parent discourse with their children about family identity. Communication Reports, 23(2), 79-90.
3. Goldberg, A. (2007). Talking about family: Disclosure practices of adults raised by lesbian, gay, and bisexual parents. Journal of Family Issues, 28(1), 100-131.

RESOURCES
Gays with Kids - Coming out to your kids
​COLAGE - What to do when your parent comes out
​Ask the Therapist - How should I introduce my boyfriend to my daughter?
​Ask the Therapist - My son wants a mommy, how do I respond?
​Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids About LGBTQ+ Families and Friends
​LGBT Parents - Telling your kids about your family
​Stonybrook Medicine - Gay, lesbian, or bisexual parents information guide
​The Body is Not an Apology - Talking to children about the trans* experience
​New York Times - My mom never tried to hide the fact that we are a family
​Queer Mamas of Color - All the ways people make families
​Queerspawn Resource Page

Post written by Taylor Goldberg, PFP Intern