Building Your Family as an LGBTQ+ Prospective Parent

PFP Board Chair Tariem Burroughs with his family

Legal, medical, and societal advances have allowed for enormous expansions of options to build families led by LGBTQ+ parents. The prospect of becoming a parent, a gift unavailable to the LGBTQ+ community for centuries, is both exciting and overwhelming. Through my time here at PFP organizing and helping to facilitate our summer series of prospective parenting classes, I have learned just how complex this process can be physically, legally, and financially. Gaps in family planning between LGBTQ+ and non-LGBTQ+ people are narrowing, with 48% of LGBTQ+ millennials (18-35) reporting a plan to grow their families compared to 55% of non-LGBTQ+ millennials. However, young LGBTQ+ individuals are relying even more on methods outside of intercourse for building their families than previous generations of LGBTQ+ folks, with 63% looking to foster care, adoption, and assisted reproductive technology (ART) to grow their families [1]. These methods often include complex legal, physical, financial, and socio-emotional challenges that are distinct and challenging compared to conceiving via intercourse. Additionally, some of these methods, such as private adoption and ART, are financially impossible for many LGBTQ+ folks, who face poverty and gaps in health care at a rate much higher than their cisgender, heterosexual counterparts [1].

​The endeavor can be even harder for LGBTQ+ folks of color, as evidenced by a 2018 study outlining the experiences of queer women of color within the family formation space. Qualitative interviews of 13 self-identified parents of color who used donor insemination to conceive their children reported feelings of hopelessness while interacting with sperm banks, citing a lack of anonymous donors of their racial identity to choose from. Many were also concerned about transracial adoption and anonymous donors, citing concerns for their potential child’s future racial and cultural identity development. Most parents chose donor insemination by a known donor over adoption or anonymous donor insemination for this reason, citing cultural beliefs about knowing one’s origins [2]. Transgender parents also report barriers to family building, citing unique challenges such as feelings of being rushed into making decisions about physical transitioning without receiving sufficient information and options for preserving fertility or reproductive organs [3]. Thus, the most important strategy for combating these challenges appears to be preparation, information, and support. The more knowledge acquired about the complexities and nuances surrounding building a family as an LGBTQ+ prospective parent including costs, affirming providers, methods, and legal considerations can help make the process smoother and more positive. Please see our recordings of our virtual prospective parenting classes on our Facebook page (also linked below) which will hopefully aid in providing some of the vital information needed to make your family planning process as positive as possible. Additionally, we have compiled resources below regarding building your family as a member of the LGBTQ+ community which we hope you find helpful.

Sources

1. Family Equality Council. (2019). LGBTQ Family Building Survey. Retrieved from https://www.familyequality.org/fbs
2. Karman, H. E., Ruppel, E. H., & Torres, M. (2018). “It wasn’t feasible for us”: Queer women of color navigating family formation. Family Relations, 67(1), 118-131.
3. Von Doussa, H., Power, J., & Damien, R. (2015). Imagining parenthood: The possibilities and experiences of parenthood among transgender people. Culture, Health, & Sexuality, 17(9), 1119-1131.

Screenshot from Maybe Baby event featuring Taylor Goldberg, PFP Intern (top) and Stephanie Haynes, PFP Executive Director

RESOURCES

• Recordings of PFP's Maybe Baby virtual classes:
  • Session 1: "Building Your LGBTQ+ Family Using Donor Sperm"
  • ​Session 2: "Legal Considerations for Building Your LGBTQ+ Led Family"
  • ​Session 3: "Adoption Options for LGBTQ+ Led Families"
  • ​Session 4: "Prenatal Care and Birth for the LGBTQ+ Community"
  • Session 5: "Building Your LGBTQ+ Led Family Using a Surrogate"
  • Session 6: "Foster Parent Recruitment for the LGBTQ+ Community"
• Adoption Laws by State
• Child Welfare Information Gateway - FAQs from LGBTQ+ prospective foster and adoptive parents
• Legal basics for LGBTQ Parents
• Nosy nellies: How to endure unsolicited pregnancy/parenting advice
• Resolve New England – LGBT family building resources
• AMAZE Org – How do queer couples have babies? 
• myTherapyNYC – The basics of LGBTQ family building 
• TODAY – 2 Dads open up on what it’s like to have twins by surrogate 

- ​Post written by Taylor Goldberg, PFP Intern